CitizenM Paris CDG: Airport Hotel Bliss (or Nightmare?)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into a review of [Insert Hotel Name Here]. Forget those sterile, corporate-speak reviews you’re used to. This is real life, folks. We're talking accessibility, spa treatments, and whether the damn Wi-Fi actually works. Let's get messy.
Accessibility: The First Hurdle (and How They Jumped it)
Okay, let's be honest, accessibility is HUGE. And it's often where hotels stumble. I'm glad to report, [Insert Hotel Name Here] seemed to get this. They ticked a lot of boxes, and I'm not just talking about the obligatory "Wheelchair Accessible" sticker.
- Wheelchair Accessible: Yep, check. Ramps where you need them, elevators that actually fit a wheelchair (unlike that nightmare hotel in Prague…).
- Facilities for Disabled Guests: They didn't just say they had them; it felt genuinely considered. I noticed grab bars, wider doorways, and a thoughtful layout. Big points for making me feel like I could actually, you know, navigate the place.
- Elevator: Again, another check. No more huffing and puffing up ten flights of stairs after a hefty buffet breakfast.
- Access: They also offered CCTV in common areas and near the exterior of the building.
Food & Drink: Where the Calories (and Joy) Reside
Let’s talk about the important stuff. Food. Eating is an Olympic sport for me. And [Insert Hotel Name Here] had a surprisingly diverse spread.
- Restaurants: Plural! I'm a sucker for choice. Multiple restaurants, a pool bar, and a coffee shop. Sold!
- Restaurant Types: International, Asian, and vegetarian… It's like they knew my cravings ahead of time.
- Breakfast: This is crucial. Asian breakfast, Western breakfast, buffet: check, check, and check. Waking up to a spread feels like winning the lottery. I might have accidentally grabbed three croissants. Don’t judge me. It was delicious.
- Breakfast in Room/Breakfast Takeaway Service: If I’m feeling particularly lazy, or have a massive hangover from the happy hour before, the breakfast in the room is the way to go.
- Bar/ Poolside Bar/ Happy hour: Now we're talking! I spent a significant amount of time perched at the bar, trying to decide if I should get another drink or just go straight to bed, then a decision.
- Room Service [24-hour]: God bless room service. Late-night cravings? Solved. Bad decisions? Fuelled.
- A la carte in restaurant/Alternative meal arrangement/Desserts/Salad/Soup: Variety is the spice of life, and [Insert Hotel Name Here] delivered. From light salads to something substantial.
On-site Accessible Restaurants/Lounges: Didn't explicitly say, but given their dedication to accessibility, I'd assume so.
Cleanliness & Safety: Sanitize the Planet!
Alright, let’s get serious for a sec. In this day and age, cleanliness isn't just a perk; it's a requirement. And thankfully, [Insert Hotel Name Here] took it seriously.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer: Tick, tick, and tick. It made me feel safe.
- Hygiene certification: Always a good sign.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Smart.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Observed, mostly. Some folks are still clueless, but that's a human problem, not a hotel problem.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services/Room sanitization opt-out available/Rooms sanitized between stays: They really went the extra mile.
- Safe dining setup/Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: My inner germaphobe was pleased.
Internet & Tech: The Great Wi-Fi Search
Ah, the modern necessity. The internet.
- Internet access – wireless, Wi-Fi [free], Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Hallelujah. I mean, seriously, a hotel that still charges for Wi-Fi? Outrageous. Thankfully, this wasn’t the case. The Wi-Fi was strong and reliable (mostly).
- Internet access – LAN: If you're a more sophisticated type with more needs, they have the hookup.
- Internet Services: Not sure exactly what these are.
- Wi-Fi in public areas: It worked, like the Wi-Fi in my room.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events: So, if you’re planning a rave on the beach, they can accommodate.
- Laptop workspace: They made sure you had the essentials covered.
- Projector/LED display: Again, for those raves.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: My Own Personal Heaven
Okay, this is where [Insert Hotel Name Here] really shined. Seriously.
- Spa/Spa/sauna/Steamroom/Foot Bath: Oh. My. God. I practically lived in the spa. The sauna was pure bliss, and the steamroom was the perfect antidote to a long travel day. The foot bath was… well, a foot bath. Surprisingly soothing.
- Massage/Body Scrub/Body Wrap: YES, YES, AND YES. I got the full treatment. A massage saved me. The body scrub left my skin feeling like a baby’s butt. The body wrap was… well, I can’t remember much about it. I was relaxed.
- Pool with view/Swimming pool/Swimming pool [outdoor]: Stunning. The outdoor pool was ridiculously photogenic, and there was another swimming pool. I was in heaven and made sure to spend enough time in the water.
- Fitness center/Gym/fitness: I looked at the gym. It was there. I’m fairly certain others used it. I, however, was more interested in the spa.
Services & Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
- Concierge/Doorman: They were helpful, polite, and actually seemed to want to help.
- Daily housekeeping/Ironing service/Laundry service: Essential for a messy traveler like myself. Clean sheets are a blessing.
- Cash withdrawal/Currency exchange: Super convenient.
- Dry cleaning: Life-saver.
- Luggage storage: Crucial.
- Business facilities: Xerox/fax in business center, for all the people who still use those.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Great.
- Food delivery: Didn't use this, but good to have.
- Gift/souvenir shop: I resisted the urge to buy a tacky mug. Mostly.
- Invoice provided: for the important stuff.
- Meeting/banquet facilities/Meetings/Seminars/On-site event hosting/Outdoor venue for special events: You can host and get together here.
- Safety deposit boxes: For your valuables!
- Air conditioning in the public area: Very useful.
For The Kids: Family Fun
- Babysitting service/Family/child friendly/Kids facilities/Kids meal: They are set up well!
Getting Around: Ease and Convenience
- Airport transfer/Taxi service/Valet parking: Made arrival and departure a breeze.
- Car park [free of charge]/Car park [on-site]/Car power charging station: If you drove, you're set.
- Bicycle parking: Pedal power!
In the Room: Where the Magic Happens (or Doesn't)
- Additional toilet: It's a luxury!
- Air conditioning: Crucial.
- Alarm clock: If you need to wake up.
- Bathrobes/Slippers: So luxurious.
- Bathroom phone: For those important calls.
- Bathtub/Separate shower/bathtub: Two separate tubs! That's commitment to relaxation.
- Blackout curtains: Sleep. Pure, glorious sleep.
- Closet: Packing my clothes was the first step to making myself at home.
- Coffee/tea maker/Complimentary tea/Free bottled water/Mini bar: Essential for my survival.
- Desk: I got some work done. Mostly photos.
- Extra long bed: I could roll around in this!
- Hair dryer: A must.
- High floor: I got one. Nice view.
- In-room safe box: For the important things.
- Interconnecting room(s) available: For the family!
- Internet access – LAN/Internet access – wireless: Again, essential Internet.
- Ironing facilities/Ironing service: If you need to iron.
- Laptop workspace: I actually used the desk.
- Linens/Towels: Clean.
- Mirror/Mirror: Check.
- Non-smoking: Crucial.
- On-demand movies: Never
Okay, buckle up buttercup, because this isn't your sanitized, perfectly-edited travel brochure. This is my (probable) citizenM Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport experience. Get ready for chaos, questionable choices, and a whole lotta caffeine.
CitizenM Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport: A Pre-Flight Frenzy Itinerary (aka My Attempt to Adult Before I Board a Plane)
(Disclaimer: This is a speculative itinerary. My actual execution will likely be a glorious, sleep-deprived, possibly wine-fueled, disaster. Proceed with appropriate levels of amusement.)
Pre-Arrival: The Night Before – Denial and Panic
- 22:00: Okay, packing. Right. Deep breath. This time, I will fit everything in. (Narrator: She will not.) I swear, if I forget my noise-cancelling headphones again, I'm going to scream. My sanity depends on those bad boys.
- 23:00: "Just in case" pile. A.k.a. the "I-might-need-this-for-a-zombie-apocalypse" pile. This is where all the sensible clothes go, the toiletries, the emergency snacks, etc.
- 23:30: The "what if" pile. This is a completely different story. This is where the "nice-to-haves" and the "maybe-i'll-wear-that" items end up, things I might wear but really won't.
- 00:00: Google Maps open. I can do this, I can get there, I just need to find the terminal.
- 00:30: Sleep. I think. Probably no.
Day 1: The Airport Gauntlet – Arrival and (Attempted) Tranquility
- 04:00: The alarm. A shrill, hate-filled scream from my phone designed to shatter my fragile pre-flight peace. I hit snooze. Twice. Maybe three times.
- 04:30: I am up. Time to move.
- 05:00: Getting into a Taxi - My poor luggage is probably going to die tonight.
- 05:30: Reaching the airport. Now, the fun begins. The chaotic ballet of baggage, bleary-eyed travelers, and the constant hum of jet engines. It's strangely beautiful, in a post-apocalyptic sort of way.
- 06:00: Locate the chaos: Check-in. Pray to the gods of baggage handling that my suitcase arrives intact. This has a 50/50 chance of happening in my experience.
- 06:30: Security. The line feels longer than the Nile. Is that a suspicious bulge in that guy's pocket? (Don't look, don't look…) Liquids are a nightmare, you know. Why. Why do they ban liquids?
- 07:00: Airport coffee acquisition. This is crucial. Without caffeine, I am a danger to myself and others. The first sip: glorious, life-affirming, and probably brewed with the tears of a thousand stressed commuters.
- 07:30: Find Terminal, then find the gate, then, find…the citizenM. Thank god! It's a haven of modern design and, hopefully, comfy beds.
The CitizenM: A Brief Respite (and Potential for Trouble)
- 08:00: Check-in. Hopefully, smooth and fast. (Fingers crossed.)
- 08:15: Room inspection. First impressions are everything, right? The minimalist aesthetic either I love it or I immediately feel stressed.
- 08:30: Shower time! The most important thing to do!
- 08:45: Window gazing. (Sigh.) The first real moment of peace. Watch the planes take off and think about all the places I’m going to visit.
- 09:00: Food. I need food now! Grab a quick bite at the hotel's canteen. It's going to be expensive, but I don't care.
- 09:30: Lounge time. Stare blankly at the tv.
- 10:00: I need more caffeine. Perhaps, a glass of wine?
- 10:30: Contemplate my life choices.
- 11:00: Back to the lounge to drink some more.
- 11:30: Getting ready to board.
- 12:00: Boarding the plane.
Post-Flight (Projected – Subject to Change)
- 12:00+: I'm on the plane! Let the journey begin and go where your gut leads you!
Notes, Ramblings, and Utterly Unnecessary Observations:
- Regarding the "comfort" of the hotel… CitizenM has a decent reputation, but I've learned not to trust any review that doesn't mention whether the pillows are actually fluffy. This is a deal-breaker.
- Airport food: I'm bracing myself for the nutritional equivalent of a cardboard box. But hey, it's sustenance.
- My emotional state: A volatile mix of excitement, anxiety, and a healthy dose of pre-travel madness. I'm pretty sure packing a suitcase is a psychological test disguised as a practical task.
- The best part? That first moment of being suspended in mid-air, looking out at the world below. Pure magic.
- The worst part? The inevitable post-flight exhaustion and jet lag. It's a cruel paradox: the trip itself is the reward, but the aftermath…ugh.
So, there you have it. Pray for me. And maybe, if you're lucky, I'll send you a postcard from this ridiculously over-planned, yet utterly unpredictable, adventure. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.
Unbelievable Slawitsch: Germany's Hidden Village Gem You NEED to See!
So, like, what *is* this thing anyway? You know, this FAQ page... thing?
Ugh, good question. Even *I'm* sometimes not entirely sure. Think of it as a chaotic collection of questions people *actually* ask, mixed with my own scattered thoughts and, let's be honest, probably a few random tangents thrown in for good measure. It’s like… the internet’s awkward cousin. We're here to answer the big questions, the small ones, and maybe even the ones you didn’t *know* you had. And let's be honest, sometimes I'm just talking to myself. Don't judge.
I want to *do* the thing! Where do I start? Because, frankly, I'm overwhelmed already.
Overwhelmed? Honey, *join the club*. Look, starting is always the hardest. Which is why I usually procrastinate. Honestly, just take a deep breath. You know what I do? I pour myself a giant cup of coffee (or wine, depending on the day) and then I… well, I *intend* to start. Sometimes I actually *do* start. Baby steps. Don’t try to eat the whole elephant in one bite. Which, if I’m being honest, is also a metaphor I use about my life in general.
Can I use this on my [insert technical thing]? And why does technology hate me?
Okay, first of all, yes, probably. But here's the thing about technology: it's like a toddler with a flamethrower. Sometimes it works brilliantly, and other times it's just… a disaster of epic proportions. Every. Single. Time. And as for why technology hates you? Well, it doesn't, *personally*. I think it's more that we all collectively mess up the instructions somehow. Or we forget to plug things in. And the sheer anxiety of just *trying* to figure it out sends me into a tailspin. I mean, I once spent THREE HOURS troubleshooting a printer. THREE HOURS. For *ink*. I'm shaking just thinking about it.
What about the tiny little details? Like, seriously, what *exactly* am I supposed to do with this [insert random detail]?
Ah, the tiny little details. The things that keep us up at night. I feel you. I *really* do. Sometimes, the instructions are written by someone who clearly speaks a different language than the rest of us. I’m convinced. Look, I'm not perfect, and I won't pretend to be. But my *current* plan (subject to change, obviously) is to… well, I’m still working on this. Seriously, I am. I'll let you know when I figure it out. Expect a lengthy and rambling post.
Has this ever gone horribly wrong? Like, monumentally, embarrassingly wrong?
Oh, honey. Where do I *begin*? There was the time I thought I was being clever and tried to… (long pause, shudder) … I'm not even going to *say* what that particular "clever" idea was. But let's just say it involved a small appliance, a lot of hope, and an utter and complete lack of common sense. And the end result was a smoke alarm, a singed countertop, and me hiding under the bed. It. Was. A. Disaster. But hey, at least it's a good story now, right? Right?! *Cries a little*.
Okay, okay… but what's the *point* of all this? Like, why bother?
Okay, okay, touché. Sometimes *I* ask myself that. (Sighs). Honestly? The point is… to try. To learn. To fail spectacularly. To laugh at yourself (eventually). And maybe, just maybe, to help someone else avoid my spectacular failures. Or, you know, just commiserate. Because we're all just stumbling around in the dark, pretending we know what we're doing. And that's okay. Really. It is. Now go make some mistakes!
So, like, is this actually *legal*? Do I need a tiny lawyer?
Whoa, hold your horses, Atticus Finch. I am *not* a lawyer. I am not qualified to give legal advice. My brain is already full. You should probably consult with a qualified professional. (And if you *do* find a tiny lawyer, let me know. I'd love one.)
What if, like, I accidentally…? Or, what if I *really* want to…?
Look, I can't predict the future. I can't even predict what I'll have for dinner. So, if you accidentally… whatever it is, or *really* want to… just try it. Just… proceed with caution. And maybe have a backup plan. And a good sense of humor. And maybe some chocolate. Chocolate fixes everything. Probably.
Alright, I think I *kinda* get it. But… what about [insert super-specific, slightly-unhinged question]?
Okay, hold on a second. Let me just… (rubs temples) … take a deep breath. That's a *very* specific question. And I'm not sure I have a good answer. But you know what? That's okay! Because honestly? Life is about the questions, not the answers. Or something like that. *Shrugs* I'll probably get back to you… eventually. MaybeChicstayst
