Crowne Plaza Toluca - Lancaster By IHG Mexico

Escape to Luxury: Crowne Plaza Toluca's Unforgettable Getaway

Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the review of a hotel that, let's just say, has a lot going on. I'm already exhausted, frankly. But hey, a job's a job, and hopefully, this job will convince you to actually book the darn thing.

First things first: Accessibility. Now, I don't roll around in a wheelchair, but good lord, it’s the 21st century, a hotel should be built for everyone. And this one seems to try. They shout about "Facilities for disabled guests" so, fingers crossed, it's more than just a ramp slapped on the front door. They also make a big thing about Check-in/out [private] which is great, because who wants to stand in line and get exhausted as soon as they arrive?

Okay, let's get messy now; here’s my honest take.

Internet, glorious internet! Look, I’m a digital nomad, a modern-day pirate of the Wi-Fi seas, and the first thing I do when I hit a new place is check the connection. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! YES! This is non-negotiable. And the fact they list "Internet [LAN]" just brought me back to the dial-up days when my only option was to hear my data screeching through the wires. Old school, yet not really important anymore, I just hope the Wi-Fi is fast. They also have Wi-Fi in public areas, which is a given and barely worth mentioning (unless their public areas are AMAZING, which we’ll get to). My biggest fear? Slow internet. That’s my doom. This should be good. Especially with the Internet services!

Cleanliness and Safety - The Pandemic Era Verdict

The world changed, didn't it? And hotels had to change with it. They blare about Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment. That's a lot. Honestly, it feels a bit…overkill? Like, are they planning a plague? But hey, I'm not complaining. I want to feel safe. I'm also mildly disappointed that they are not including "the death-ray of germs" in the list. Can we add that? Just for a laugh? (Not really.)

Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - The Stomach's Opinion

Right, the good stuff. FOOD. This is where a hotel really wins me over. Let's see what they're serving up…

Restaurants: Multiple? Excellent. Asian cuisine in restaurant AND Vegetarian restaurant? Double Excellent! Western cuisine in restaurant? Okay, they’ve got the bases covered.
Breakfast: Breakfast [buffet], Asian breakfast, Western breakfast… They even have Breakfast in room AND Breakfast takeaway service! My gluttonous heart is singing.
Bars: A Bar and a Poolside bar? Hallelujah. Drinks with a view, here I come. But do they have a decent cocktail menu? That’s the real test. Fingers crossed.
The random stuff: Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, Poolside bar, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement – the basics. They've got the basics, which is…good, I guess.

Okay, let's get into the real nitty-gritty.

Things to Do, Ways to Relax - The Blissful Breakdown

Spa stuff! This is where I lose all composure.

The Spa Itself: Apparently, they have a Spa, a Spa/sauna, a Body scrub, and a Body wrap. Okay, they have my attention. I might turn into a total puddle of relaxation.
The Extras: A Sauna, a Steamroom, a Foot bath and Massage. Oh, good lord. This feels like my kind of place. And, hopefully, the massage isn’t some perfunctory "rub and go" experience. I want to melt.
Fitness: Oh yeah, this hotel also has a Fitness center and a Gym/fitness. I guess some people like to sweat. I'll be over at the spa.
Pool: A Swimming pool as well as a Pool with view – sounds lush.

Services and Conveniences - The Practicalities

The stuff that makes life easier.

The Everyday Stuff: Air conditioning in public area, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Gift/souvenir shop, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Safety deposit boxes. The standard stuff, but essential.
Businessy Things: Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, Projector/LED display, Seminars, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center. Okay, they cater to the conference crowd. Good for them.
The Weird and Wonderful: Shrine. Okay, I wasn't expecting that. Food delivery. Fine. Smoking area. Hmm.

For the Kids - The Little People's Playground

Babysitting service. Finally! Someone thinks of us parents! Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal. Okay, they are trying to cover all the bases.

Getting Around & Other Extras

Airport transfer. Thank goodness! No one wants to grapple with public transport after a long flight. Car park? They have Car park [free of charge] AND Car park [on-site] with Car power charging station. Wow! Also, Taxi service and Valet parking. They're covering all the bases, it appears.

Available in all rooms - The Inside Job

This is where you live, so this is important.

Bedding: Extra long bed. Yes, please!
Tech: Alarm clock, Laptop workspace, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, In-room safe box, On-demand movies, Satellite/cable channels, Soundproofing. The essentials.
Bathroom: Additional toilet, Bathrobes, Bathtub, Bathroom phone, Private bathroom, Separate shower/bathtub, Toiletries, Towels, Slippers. The luxury.
And the rest: Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Blackout curtains, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, Interconnecting room(s) available, Ironing facilities, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, Reading light, Refrigerator, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.

Now, here’s my personal experience… or lack there after a deep dive.

I haven’t actually stayed here yet. This is all based on the information they've provided but, on paper, it looks bloody promising.

Final Verdict?

Listen, I'm a cynical travel writer. I've seen it all. But, based solely on the sheer volume of amenities, the dedication to cleanliness, and the clear focus on relaxation and comfort, this hotel has potential. However, there is a huge amount of information.

Here's the Deal!

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Are you craving a getaway that blends blissful relaxation with delicious indulgence? Look no further! This hotel is your personal sanctuary, offering everything from spa treatments and gourmet dining to lightning-fast Wi-Fi and cutting-edge safety measures.

Here’s what you get:

Unlimited Relaxation: Melt away stress with our spa, sauna, and massage services.
Culinary Adventures: Savor Asian, Western, and vegetarian cuisine.
Connected Comfort: Stay connected with FREE Wi-Fi in all rooms, ensuring you're always in touch.
Peace of Mind: Enjoy complete peace of mind with our rigorous cleanliness protocols.
Unforgettable Experiences: From family fun to romantic getaways, we offer something for everyone.

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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's meticulously planned travel guide. This is MY Crowne Plaza Toluca - Lancaster By IHG survival log. Consider yourself warned.

The Pre-Trip Panic (Or, How I Almost Didn't Make It)

Okay, so the email confirmation was a godsend. I booked this whole shebang months ago, right? Picture it: Me, dreaming of soaking up culture (I'm aiming for "cultured," okay?) in Mexico, away from the soul-crushing spreadsheets of my life. The reality? Packing the night before. Of course. And I still couldn't find my passport. Cue: full-blown, sweaty-palmed meltdown. Found it tucked inside a cookbook. Because, you know, travel and culinary aspirations… apparently.

Day 1: Arrival and the Quest for Coffee (and Sanity)

Morning: Toluca Airport Arrival. Whew. Immigration? Survived. Luggage? Miraculously found my suitcase. It was looking at me sideways, like "Seriously? This is what you packed?"
The Drive: The cab ride to the Crowne Plaza was a wild ride. The locals drive with a level of, shall we say, enthusiasm that I'm not used to. I gripped my seat, muttered prayers, and admired the vibrant street art as if it were my last view.
Check-in Chaos: The hotel lobby was… busy. Like, a full-blown fiesta of check-ins. The poor receptionist looked like she hadn't slept since, well, probably ever. "Hola," she said, her voice a bit raspy. "Rooms… are… ready… in… an… hour." Okay, cool, great. My internal coffee alarm started screaming.
Coffee Emergency: I found a tiny, almost hidden, coffee shop a block away. The barista, a teenager with electric blue hair, rescued me. Best. Coffee. Ever. It was like a shot of pure, caffeinated hope. I may or may not have ordered a second (and third).
Afternoon: Finally, my room. Standard hotel room, nothing fancy, but clean. And air conditioning! Yes! I collapsed on the bed (after a quick inspection for lurking creatures, obviously).
The Bathroom Blues: The bathroom was also neat & clean, a nice touch. But I always have the fear of a clogged toilet. This is a very normal thing.
The Pool is Calling: I caught a glimpse of the pool and immediately envisioned myself floating on a raft with a fruity cocktail. Reality check: I'm still recovering from a lack of sleep. But later! Later, the pool!
Evening: Dinner at the hotel restaurant. I'm a bit of a picky eater, so the menu felt slightly overwhelming. Got a steak which was surprisingly delicious. The service was excellent. This one made me re-evaluate how a hotel restaurant should be. I just loved it.

Day 2: Culture, Caves, and Existential Dread (Probably)

Morning: Okay, today is the day. I'm going to explore Toluca. I’d planned to visit the Cosmovitral Botanical Garden, but I heard the lines can be insane. More coffee, then I went! It was stunning, truly. The stained-glass windows are a masterpiece. Just… wow. But the crowds? Yikes. I lasted about an hour before I craved a quieter spot.
Afternoon: Trip to the Grutas de Cacahuamilpa National Park Okay, so I'm not a "caves" person, per se. I didn't even like the caves in school, but the photos looked cool. And people say the caves are really stunning and magnificent. The drive was long, and I really didn't expect the area, its magnificent. And then, the caves. Deep, dark, damp tunnels, and I was expecting to freak out, but I didn't. It was an eerie and fascinating experience, and not for the claustrophobic but I'm actually glad I went.
Evening: Back to the hotel & Pool Ok, after a long day of travel and visiting the caves, I headed back to the hotel. The pool beckoned. I found a spot, sunk into a chair, and just… looked around. The blue sky, the gentle breeze, the sound of kids splashing. Okay, yeah, this is the life.

Day 3: My Deep Dive into the Food, My Food

Morning: Okay, so let's talk about the food. I love food. I'm obsessed. Today I'm going to find a local market, I walked to the local market.
I was totally captivated. I wasn't expecting to spend hours here, just browsing, but the smell of the food, and the bright display of colors and sounds, it was too good.
Afternoon: Back to the hotel
Evening One more meal at the restaurant.

Day 4: The Departure

Morning: Another excellent breakfast at the hotel, it's the best thing that the hotel offers.
Check out I just hope that my plane will be delayed
Goodbye and See you later

Final Thoughts:

This trip was… a lot. I survived. I saw some amazing things. I ate some incredible food. I almost lost my passport. And, most importantly, I learned that I still don’t know what I’m doing, but I also learned that it’s okay. This hotel and everything else was the experience of a lifetime.

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Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This FAQ is gonna be less polished and more… well, *me*. We’re diving into things, and yeah, I’m probably gonna ramble. No promises of perfection. Let’s just see where this wild ride takes us.

Alright, let's just start with the basics: What is this thing?

Okay, so, "this thing" could be anything, right? Life, a bad cup of coffee, that weird stain on your couch… But let's pretend we're talking about... oh, I don't know, *getting through the day*. Which, for me, is often a feat worthy of a medal. Seriously, sometimes just getting out of bed feels like conquering Everest. So, what *is* it? Mostly a chaotic blend of: figuring out the bills, the groceries, the existential dread of knowing you’ll never fully understand the plot of *Inception*… you know, the fun stuff.

So, you know, how do you actually do that? Like, the "getting through the day" thing? Any secrets? Spill the tea! (Or the coffee, I'm not picky.)

Secrets? Honey, if I had *secrets* I’d be lounging on a beach somewhere, sipping something fruity, not staring at my overflowing inbox. Buuuut… if I *had* to distill it down, it's a messy combo of:

Coffee. Lots of it. Seriously, the amount of coffee I consume is probably concerning. Don't judge.
Procrastination. Sometimes. Okay, *often*. Okay, *fine*. Almost always until the very last minute. It's a gift, I tell you. A terrible, crippling gift.
Finding the funny. Life's going to throw you curveballs, right? Might as well laugh at them. If you don't laugh, you'll cry. And crying just makes the coffee taste bitter.
Accepting Imperfection. I'm a hot mess. You're probably a hot mess. We're all hot messes. Embrace it! It’s freeing, really.

And, you know, occasionally putting on pants. Sometimes.

What about... those little, everyday annoyances? You know, the stuff that just grinds your gears?

Oh, the *joys*! Where do I even begin? Okay, top three, in no particular order of rage:

Slow Walkers. I mean, *come on*! You're in a grocery store aisle, and I'm trying to get to the frickin' yogurt. Move it or lose it! (Okay, I don't actually *say* that, but the thought is there. Oh, it's *definitely* there.)
Technology Failing at Critical Moments. Need to send an important email? Suddenly, the internet decides to take a siesta. Trying to order takeout after a long day? The app crashes. It's like the universe itself is conspiring to irritate me.
When People Chew with Their Mouths Open. I can’t even write about it without getting physically ill. The, the *sound*… the *sight*… shudder…

And look, I'm sure there are worse problems in the world. But these? These are the things that fuel my inner monologue of pure, unadulterated grumbling.

Okay, okay, enough negativity. What actually makes you happy? What are the good things?

Alright, alright, I can be a sunshine-y ray of… well, *not*-sunshine sometimes. Here's my happy list, in no particular order of *squeeful* delight:

A perfectly brewed cup of tea. Seriously, heaven in a mug.
A really, *really* good book. One that grabs you and refuses to let go. Those rare gems… *sigh*.
My dog! She's basically a furry, four-legged stress reliever. Even when she’s eating my shoes. (Okay, maybe *especially* when she’s eating my shoes, because it’s a story I can tell later.)
Laughing until I cry. That’s a good one. And it really does make the coffee taste better.
Those moments when the stars align, and everything *just works*. Rare, beautiful, and to be cherished.

Let's delve deeper. Tell me about a specific experience, good or bad, that defined something for you. Something that really, really stuck with you.

Okay, I'll give you a good one. This is getting personal, so buckle up. There was this time… okay, it was years ago. I was, let's just say, *younger*. And I was convinced I was utterly, irrevocably failing at *everything*. My career was a joke (it was, objectively), my relationship was on the rocks (ditto), and my apartment looked like a bomb had gone off (pretty much the truth). I felt… *lost*. Like I was just drifting, aimlessly. Then, it hit me: the *fear*. The sheer, debilitating fear of just… *being*. Of waking up every single day and just… having no clue what the hell I was doing. I was *frozen* by it. I'd spend entire days just staring at the ceiling, paralyzed. I'd avoid eye contact, avoid phone calls, avoid anything that might require me to *function*. And that fear… that was the defining thing. It was a dark place, but then… I realized something. I realized that I was the one who was making it so dreadful. I was the one who was keeping myself stuck. And then, something shifted. It wasn't a sudden epiphany, more like a slow, creeping realization. That if I didn't change, if I didn't *do* something – *anything* – I would be stuck like that *forever*. And the thought of that, honestly, was more terrifying than the fear itself. So, slowly, I started to... well, *try*. I started with tiny things. Making my bed (surprisingly effective!), getting out of the house (a huge win), and attempting to… *gasp*… talk to other human beings. I failed. A lot. But slowly, bit by bit, I started to feel less… frightened and more… *present*. It wasn't a quick fix, and I *still* have those days. That period taught me that it's okay to be utterly lost, and that the only way out is to stumble forward, one step at a time, trusting that you can figure it out.
It also taught me how incredibly resilient I am.

Where do you get your, um, unique perspective on things? (Let's be nice. It's my FAQ, after all.)

Oh, you want the "origin story"? Well, let's see. I've always been a bit of a… observer. A chronic overthinker. A collector of weird facts and even weirder anxieties. I blame (or thank?) a healthy dose of:

Overly expressive relatives. "Oh, honey, you look *ghastly*!" Thanks, Aunt MildredSleep Stop Guide

Escape to Luxury: Crowne Plaza Toluca's Unforgettable Getaway