Pigeon Forge Getaway: Unbeatable Howard Johnson Deals!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! Because we're diving HEADFIRST into Pigeon Forge and the supposed "Unbeatable Howard Johnson Deals!" and I'm armed with more information than I know what to do with. This isn't your average hotel review, folks. This is a journey. A messy, honest, and hopefully hilarious journey. Let's get to it!
Pigeon Forge Getaway: Unbeatable Howard Johnson Deals! – THE GOOD, THE QUITE GOOD, AND THE… WELL, WE'LL SEE…
Right off the bat, let's be real. “Unbeatable Deals” is a pretty big promise, right? Like, are we talking steal-your-grandma's-retirement-fund good? I'll tell you what, I went in expecting a lot of the usual suspects – cramped rooms, questionable breakfast, maybe a flickering lightbulb that judges you. (Hotel lightbulbs, they know things, y'know?)
First Impressions & Getting There:
- Accessibility: Okay, this is IMPORTANT. The review list mentions "Facilities for disabled guests," "Elevator," which is encouraging. But HOW accessible? Are we talking truly accessible, or just… technically accessible? I'd want more details on the ramps, the grab bars, the spaciousness of the rooms. This feels a little vague from the jump. (Rating: Needs More Detail!)
- Getting Around: "Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Valet parking." Score! Free parking is ALWAYS a win, especially in a touristy place like Pigeon Forge. Valet? Fancy! But honestly, I’d probably still park myself to avoid the awkward dance of handing over the keys. "Airport transfer?" Oh, honey, you are dreaming… it is far from Knoxville airport. (Rating: Good on Parking!)
Digging into the Nitty-Gritty: Accessibility & Safety (Because, Let's Be Safe, People!)
- Cleanliness and Safety: Okay, the list here is impressive. "Anti-viral cleaning products," "Daily disinfection in common areas," "Staff trained in safety protocol," "Rooms sanitized between stays." That's a LOT of buzzwords, which are good to hear. Let's hope they aren't just buzzwords. My biggest worry these days when I travel? BED BUGS! So, I'd want REAL proof… not just a checklist. (Rating: Promising, but needs proof!)
- Check-in/Check-out: "Contactless check-in/out," "Express check-in/out," and the option for "Private" Check-in/out sounds great. Fast forward the process, and that is perfect.
- Safety/Security Features: "CCTV in common areas," "CCTV outside property," "Fire extinguisher," "Front desk [24-hour]," "Safety deposit boxes," "Smoke alarms," "Security [24-hour]." This is good. REALLY good. It feels reassuring. Not just safe, but seen. And after a long drive with the kids, the last thing you want is to worry if you're safe. (Rating: Excellent!)
Rooms - Where the Magic Happens (Or Doesn't!)
- Available in All Rooms (The Essentials): Air conditioning – YES! Alarm clock – Hopefully a GOOD one! Coffee/tea maker – Essential for life! Free Wi-Fi – Double YES! (Especially crucial in Pigeon Forge, where the kids need to download a million TikToks).
- The Little Luxuries: Bathrobes? Ooh, la la! Slippers? Nice touch! Blackout curtains? Crucial! I need to sleep, people.
- The "Potentially Problematic": "Extra long bed" - Great for tall people, not so great if they aren't the only one in the bed. "Interconnecting room(s) available"? Good for families but could be a nightmare for noise. "Non-smoking." Thank the heavens! But don’t think that this is a guarantee, you know what I mean.
- My Personal Room Obsession: Coffee/tea maker. I NEED to start my day with caffeine. If that sucker brews a weak, sad cup of brown water, I’m going to be a very cranky customer.
Food, Glorious Food (and the Utter Disaster Potentially Lurking…)
- Breakfast: This is where things get… interesting. "Breakfast [buffet]," "Breakfast in room" and "Breakfast takeaway service." Buffet can be great. Or it can be a beige, lukewarm disaster. I need a good breakfast. It fuels my adventures! This is important.
- Restaurants/Dining: "A la carte in restaurant," "Restaurants," "Room service [24-hour]," "Coffee shop," "Poolside bar." Okay, this is sounding promising. A 24-hour room service? Sold! Especially since I’m sure someone will have a snack attack at 3 AM.
- Cuisine: "Asian cuisine in restaurant," "International cuisine in restaurant," "Vegetarian restaurant,” "Western cuisine in restaurant." A nice variety is always welcome.
- The Quirks: "Bottle of water" (always appreciated), "Coffee/tea in restaurant" (good!). This could be a major highlight or a total letdown based on the quality.
Ways to Relax – Or, How to Avoid the Crazy Pigeon Forge Crowds!
- The Good Stuff: "Swimming pool [outdoor]," "Sauna," "Spa/sauna.” A pool is a must, especially for the kids (and the inner child in me). Sauna and spa? Sign me up for some serious relaxation time!
- Fitness Center: "Gym/fitness." Okay, I say I’ll use it, but let's be honest… probably not. Unless there's a treadmill with a GREAT view of the mountains.
- The "Interesting" Combinations: "Body scrub," "Body wrap," "Foot bath," "Massage." Okay, this is actually sounds great. Maybe I'll skip the gym this trip…
For the Kids – Because Happy Kids = Happy Parents
- Family & Fun: "Family/child friendly," "Babysitting service," "Kids meal," "Kids facilities." Definitely a plus.
- Potential deal breakers: “Kids facilities.” What Does that even mean? Is there a kids pool? A game room? A sticky slide? These are the questions that matter!
Services & Conveniences – The Little Things That Make a Big Difference
- The Essentials: "Air conditioning in public area," "Daily housekeeping," "Elevator," "Laundry service," "Luggage storage." All good.
- The "Nice to Haves": "Concierge," "Currency exchange," "Gift/souvenir shop," "Convenience store." These are nice additions for stress-free adventuring.
- Less Important, But Still Present: "Cash withdrawal," "Invoice provided," "Doorman" (fancy!).
Business & Events (For the Non-Vacationers)
- Business Facilities: "Business facilities," "Indoor venue for special events," "Meeting/banquet facilities," "Meetings," "Projector/LED display," "Seminars." This is not for me, but good to know if you're mixing business with the getaway.
Getting Around – The Roads Less Traveled (and the Ones You Have to Take)
- Parking: "Car park [free of charge]," "Car park [on-site]." Excellent!
- The Optional: "Airport transfer," "Taxi service," "Valet parking." Useful, but mostly unnecessary for this location.
Internet – Because the World Can’t Wait!
- The Basic: "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" Thank you, sweet baby Jesus. This is essential.
- Details: "Internet access – LAN," "Internet access – wireless." Gotta have that reliable connection for work and social media!
Let's Talk About The "Unbeatable Howard Johnson Deals!" – The Big Picture
Okay, after all this rambling, I'm still not convinced these deals are truly "unbeatable." But wait, there’s context! Pigeon Forge can be EXPENSIVE. So, a somewhat-decent hotel with some perks at a competitive price? That's appealing!
My Quirky Anecdote - One Particular Detail
I am now zeroed in on one category. It has consumed me… the hair dryer. I hate a bad hotel hair dryer. The ones that blow lukewarm air and that take an eternity to dry your hair. It’s the worst. Is it strong? Does it have multiple settings? Does it get hot? I need to know if the hair dryer is a real one or a flimsy, sad excuse for a hair appliance.
My Emotional Reaction - Hair Dryer and All!
My gut reaction? It could be a good choice. The cleanliness and safety measures look promising. The potential for relaxation (spa, sauna) has me all swoony. But I am still very skeptical. If the hair dryer fails me, forget it.
The Verdict (for now):
The "Unbeatable Howard
Rodeway Inn: Your Unexpected US Getaway Awaits!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into my Pigeon Forge escapade. It's not gonna be pretty. It might involve a questionable amount of cheese fries and a healthy dose of existential dread – but hey, that's life, right? This is the unfiltered, slightly chaotic, and hopefully hilarious itinerary from my recent stay at the Howard Johnson in Pigeon Forge. Don't expect a perfectly polished travel blog post; this is more like… a frantic scribbling on a motel napkin.
Day 1: Arrival & High Hopes (Spoiler Alert: They Don't All Pan Out)
1:00 PM: Arrive at the Howard Johnson. Okay, the exterior wasn’t exactly what I pictured. Let's be honest, it screamed "Budget-Friendly." But, hey, the reviews said it was clean-ish. And the pool looked kinda inviting in the pictures. (More on that later.) The check-in lady? Sweet as pie and sporting the most enormous, perfectly-teased hair I've seen since the 80s. Immediately, an internal debate erupted: embrace the kitsch or run screaming for sophisticated hotel chain? I chose kitsch (for now).
1:30 PM: The room. Okay. It was… a room. Smelled faintly of chlorine and regret. But hey, at least it had a room. Unpacked. Immediately, I noticed a suspiciously low amount of towels. Sigh.
2:00 PM: Pool Time! Oh, the pool. The beacon of hope. The… well, it was smaller than advertised. And colder. Much colder. I dipped a toe in, shuddered, and decided to postpone the aquatic adventure. Instead, I watched a family of five gleefully splash around, and felt a pang of… jealousy? No, wait, it was more like a profound sense of "I'm not sure I'm cut out for this vacation thing."
3:00 PM: Exploring "The Strip." Oh, Pigeon Forge. You are a sensory overload. Every single building seems to be vying for the title of "Most Gaudy." Mini-golf courses, wax museums, go-kart tracks… it was like a theme park had exploded. I bought a t-shirt that said "I ❤ Pigeon Forge" (don't judge me, I was feeling impulsive) and then immediately regretted it. Also, saw a guy dressed as a giant banana handing out flyers. I will never, ever be the same.
6:00 PM: Dinner at "X" (Name withheld to protect the innocent… and the potentially sued). Okay, the service was slow. Like, glacial slow. I'm pretty sure I aged a few years waiting for my fried chicken. But, the actual fried chicken? Surprisingly good. Maybe all the wait made me more appreciative? Or maybe I was just deliriously starving? Either way, I devoured it.
8:00 PM: Show Time!… at a dinner show. I don't want to reveal details, but the show was… an experience. Let's just say the costumes were questionable, the jokes were cheesy, and the singing was… enthusiastic. But I couldn’t stop laughing. It was so bad it was good.
10:00 PM: Back to the Howard Johnson. The bed was surprisingly comfortable. And the chlorine smell had faded a bit.
Day 2: Dollywood, Delight, and Doubt
9:00 AM: Okay, I made it to Dollywood! I'd always wanted to experience what the hype was about. The place was bustling, and the atmosphere was actually pretty charming (surprisingly!). I made myself a vow to conquer at least three rides this time.
10:00 AM: The first ride was amazing! But the line was long, and I was ready for a break afterward.
12:00 PM: Had lunch at the park. The food was a bit expensive but tasted good. Got to sit on a bench and watch all of the people and the workers.
1:00 PM: One more ride. Another line. It was okay.
2:00 PM: Decided to leave. I just didn't have the energy to stay. Plus, the heat. Ugh.
3:00 PM: Got back to the room.
7:00 PM: The highlight of the evening. I got pizza! I watched a movie for the rest of my night.
Day 3: Departure & Lingering Thoughts
9:00 AM: Checkout. The lady at the desk was just as sweet as yesterday. I left with a vague sense of accomplishment. I'd survived Pigeon Forge.
10:00 AM: On the road.
What did I think overall? Pigeon Forge is a weird place. Over-the-top. A little bit soul-crushing. And, yet… I kind of miss it already. The cheesiness. The sheer ridiculousness of it all. Maybe it’s just the sugar rush from that questionable fried chicken talking, or maybe it's the fact that vacation is a chaotic mess. But I'm going back. Yes, I am. Maybe next time I will brave the pool. Maybe.
Pigeon Forge Getaway: Unbeatable Howard Johnson Deals! (Or, How I Survived Dollywood and a Budget Motel...Maybe)
Okay, seriously, is this *really* a good deal? A Howard Johnson? Pigeon Forge? Is this some sort of scam designed to lead me directly into a timeshare presentation?
Alright, look. Let's get one thing straight: I'm a skeptic. I went in expecting the worst, picturing peeling wallpaper and a continental breakfast consisting of sad, individually wrapped muffins. But… I survived! The Howard Johnson, specifically the one I booked through this "deal" (*cough* *cough* I'll tell you the website later, maybe...*cough*), it wasn't *glamorous*. But it was clean. The beds were comfy enough. And the *price*. Oh, the price! It was practically theft in a good way. No timeshare trap! (At least, not that I *noticed* – I may have blocked out a vague memory of a overly enthusiastic gentleman trying to sell me a lifetime supply of…something. I’m still not sure what.) So, yeah, it's a good deal. Especially if you're prioritizing Dollywood over, you know, luxury.
What's the catch? There HAS to be a catch! Hidden fees? Tiny rooms? Roach motels? Spill the beans!
Okay, okay, deep breaths. Yes, there are *always* caveats. Firstly, the room size wasn't, shall we say, palatial. Picture a decent-sized shoebox. We're talking "two adults, a screaming toddler, and a mountain of luggage" crammed into a space that maybe, *maybe*, could comfortably fit just two people. But hey, who needs space when you're surrounded by the glorious, kitsch paradise that is Pigeon Forge? Secondly, yes, you'll probably get the "vaguely adjacent to the parking lot" room. Be prepared for early morning truck-related noises. Thirdly, the breakfast *is* continental. And yes, the muffins *are* individually wrapped. Embrace the blandness, my friend. It’s part of the charm! And let’s not forget...the pool. It looked inviting, honestly, but I'm not sure I ever really checked the cleanliness. (I chose to spend all my time at Dollywood. Very wise decision, I’m sure.) No roaches though, I think!
So, Pigeon Forge. Is it… cheesy? Like, Disneyland levels of cheesy?
Oh, honey. Pigeon Forge isn’t just cheesy, it's a deep-fried, cheese-covered, extra-cheese-sauce-drenched rollercoaster of cheese! Think: Titanic museums, go-kart tracks, dinner shows (that are, I will admit, surprisingly entertaining), and enough mini-golf courses to bankrupt a small nation. But here’s the thing: I loved it. Absolutely loved it. It's a perfectly manufactured, ridiculously over-the-top escape. And sometimes, you NEED that. It’s a place to turn off your brain and embrace the absurdity. Plus, Dollywood is pure magic. Pure, unadulterated, Dolly Parton-infused magic.
Dollywood, huh? Worth the hype? Because I'm a rollercoaster snob.
Dollywood. Okay, listen. I *hate* theme park lines. I *hate* the crowds. I *hate* the inflated prices of everything. But Dollywood? Dollywood is different. Yes, there are crowds (especially during peak season – learn from my mistakes and go…in the off-season. Please). Yes, the food is expensive (but, surprisingly, also delish – and themed!). But the rides? They're fantastic. The theming? Impeccable. And the overall vibe? Positive. Actually *positive*. The staff are genuinely friendly and helpful (and probably expertly trained in the art of Southern hospitality). Even the rollercoaster snobs will find something to love. I spent a *solid* afternoon on the Lightning Rod coaster, a wooden coaster that launches you uphill at a frankly terrifying speed, and it was amazing. That's where I spent most of my time. Did I mention the lines? They are not nearly as bad as Disney. But I will admit...I wanted to ride the train! Apparently you get an amazing view. I was just too engrossed in the coasters.
What's the best time to visit Pigeon Forge? And should I bring mosquito repellent?
Okay, the best time to visit? *Definitely* not peak season. Unless you enjoy standing in line for two hours to ride a teacup. Aim for the shoulder seasons: spring or fall. The weather is milder, the crowds are thinner, and the fall foliage is breathtaking. Bring the mosquito repellent! And bring a decent pair of comfortable shoes. You'll be doing a lot of walking. Trust me. Also: bring a poncho! The weather in the Smoky Mountains is as fickle as a cat on caffeine. It can go from sunshine to torrential downpour in approximately 2.5 seconds.
Are there any good restaurants in Pigeon Forge that aren't… well, terrible?
Yes! Surprisingly, yes! Okay, don't expect Michelin-star dining. But there are some gems hidden amongst the pancake houses and the all-you-can-eat buffets. The Pancake Pantry is a must-do (prepare to wait). If you're feeling adventurous, search for local BBQ spots. They're the real deal. And for a fun, if slightly touristy, experience, check out a dinner show. The Dixie Stampede is a classic (and the horses are beautiful, even if the whole show is a bit much). I’m a sucker for a good show, so I went to the Dixie Stampede. I also went to a… pirate show? It was a blur. Highly recommend that you check out the menus online first. I ended up eating like 5 chicken nuggets per dinner. (My fault.)
What else is there to do besides theme parks and cheesy attractions?
Oh, plenty! The Smoky Mountains National Park is right there, offering hiking trails, scenic drives, and stunning natural beauty. If you like the outdoors, you're in luck. There's also whitewater rafting, horseback riding, and even…(deep breath)…a wax museum. Seriously. Pigeon Forge doesn't disappoint. If you love nature, it's a must-do. If you just want to relax, then bring some books to your room and have fun.
Back to the Howard Johnson. Anything specific I should know about the room or the hotel itself?
Okay, first: the pool situation. I *think* it's heated. I didn’t actually go in, but I saw people in it. The pool *area*, however, was surprisingly clean and well-maintained. I did see some kids splashing around. Second: free breakfast. Don't get your hopes up. It's *continental*, remember? Think: processed pastries, instant coffee, and a vague feeling of disappointment. But hey, it's free! Third: the staff were surprisingly friendly. You'll get used to theStay Collective
