Clearwater Beach Bliss: Unbeatable Deals at Holiday Inn Express!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into a review of [Insert Hotel Name Here]. Forget the pristine brochures and generic travel blogs – this is the real deal. I'm talking warts and all, the good, the bad, and the "wait, is that a thing?" moments. Let's get messy, shall we?
First, Let's Talk Accessibility (because, frankly, it's 2024):
Okay, I'm not in a wheelchair, but I do appreciate when a place makes an effort. Accessibility is listed, and that's a good start. Wheelchair accessible gets a check, hopefully meaning ramps and elevators exist. The devil, as they say, is in the detail. How wide are the doorways? Are the restaurants truly accessible, or do you need a contortionist's skills to navigate? We’ll need more info on that. Facilities for disabled guests is also a plus.
Internet - Oh Sweet, Sweet Internet:
Look, in this day and age, Wi-Fi access is practically a human right. So hearing Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! is like a sigh of relief. YES! Beyond that it's Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services, and Wi-Fi in public areas – a full-on internet buffet. Though I’m assuming LAN is for those tech-savvy enough to even know what it is! Still, options are good.
Things to Do (and Not Just Sit in Your Room, Though That's Sometimes the Goal):
Alright, let's get active! This hotel seems to have it all. Fitness center, Gym/fitness, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]. Great for burning off that buffet breakfast. And if you're more of a relaxation person (like me!), there's Spa, Spa/sauna, Sauna, Steamroom, Foot bath. Oh, and Massage, Body scrub, Body wrap, and Pool with view. I’m sold. All the spa things? Yes, please. This is the kind of place where you could spend a whole week just rotating through relaxation modes.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: This is more like it! Let's hope it means I can actually get to my cocktails.
Cleanliness and Safety (Because, Let's Face It, We're Slightly Paranoid Now):
Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call (always a good sign!), First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter… okay, they're taking it seriously. Good. And also a little overwhelming – they’re cleaning the towels with boiling water?! But hey, I'm not complaining. Rooms sanitized between stays, Professional-grade sanitizing services, and Room sanitization opt-out available are also great options. It’s good they give you the choice.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (The Most Important Things, Really):
Okay, this is where things get interesting. The food situation sounds robust. My favorite part? The promise of A la carte in restaurant, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Breakfast [buffet], Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, and Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant. So, like, everything. I'm already picturing myself at the buffet, strategically planning my attack. The Bar looks promising and, oh yeah, a Bottle of water to keep me hydrated because, you know, health! I also love that there's Happy hour. And I need a Desserts in restaurant, clearly.
Services and Conveniences (Because Life Should Be Easy, Damn It):
Air conditioning in public area, Concierge, Cash withdrawal, Daily housekeeping, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Elevator (Thank God!), Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator (thank goodness, my legs are tired!). Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery. Gift/souvenir shop (for all the tacky trinkets!). They have Invoice provided which is amazing, Meeting/banquet facilities for meetings! On-site event hosting, Safety deposit boxes, and Smoking area for those who need it. Terrace for a nice drink.
For the Kids (Good for Me or the Kids, Right?):
Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, and Kids meal. This is a bonus if you're travelling with kids; but, for me, means I get to enjoy my nice, quiet relaxation time somewhere else!
Access:
CCTV in common areas sounds like they're keeping an eye on things. This is good to know.
Available in All Rooms (The Nitty Gritty):
Additional toilet (always a win!), Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone (fancy!), Bathtub, Blackout curtains (yes, please, to avoid the early morning sun!) Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Laptop workspace Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies ooh la la! Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Scale (sad but necessary!), Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers (ah, the luxury!), Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella (for when it inevitably rains), Visual alarm, Wake-up service,Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens. Quite a list, truly!
Anecdote Time! (Because, Let's Get Real):
Okay, so a friend stayed here last year. Apparently, the pool with a view is everything. She's not a spa person but she raved about the massage, so I really can’t wait. She also mentioned a slight issue with the breakfast buffet – apparently, the croissants were on the stale side one morning. Gasp! I'm hoping that gets sorted. So, this is the messy real life… I’m also guessing the "window that opens" thing is more important than it seems.
The Pitch (Let's Close this Deal!):
Book NOW!
Tired of boring stays? Craving a getaway that’s both luxurious and relaxing? You know what I’m saying! Look, [Insert Hotel Name Here] sounds like a solid bet—it looks like your best chance to get a great experience. With its fantastic amenities and attentive service, [Insert Hotel Name Here] is your best possible option. Don’t wait! Book your stay now and get ready to say “ahh!”
Escape to the Rockies: Luxurious Baymont Getaway Near Loveland & Fort Collins!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because Auntie Brenda just got back from Clearwater, Florida (well, Dunedin technically, but who's counting?). And lemme tell you, it was a trip. Actually, more like a series of near-misses, questionable food choices, and moments of sheer, unadulterated bliss. This ain't a polished travel brochure, honey. This is Brenda, unfiltered.
The Brenda-fied Holiday Inn Express & Suites, Clearwater North/Dunedin Saga (Aka: My Flop of a Vacation, But I Wouldn't Trade It)
Day 1: Arrival, the Great Luggage Debacle, and the Quest for a Decent Cocktail
2:00 PM: Landed at Tampa International Airport. First impression? Hot. Like, "I'm gonna melt" hot. Grabbed my rental car – a lovely little compact that, bless its heart, barely fit my monstrous suitcase. (Why do I always pack like I'm moving?!) The drive to the Holiday Inn Express & Suites Clearwater North/Dunedin was fine, kinda boring actually. Which, spoiler alert, is a theme with me and driving.
3:00 PM: Check-in at the hotel. The lobby was…well, it was a Holiday Inn lobby. Cleanish. The front desk lady, bless her tired heart, kept calling me "Ma'am" and seemed to be running on fumes. I requested a room on a higher floor, away from the (inevitable) pool noise. Success!
3:30 PM: Unloaded my suitcase. Whew! Except…where's the zipper pull on the damn thing? I start trying to open my suitcase but the zipper won´t open, like some sort of evil metal monster. I am SO CLOSE to throwing the whole thing out the window. After 20 minutes of struggling, swearing, and almost tears, I managed to pry it open. Inside? Chaos. My entire wardrobe basically exploded in the hotel room. This is gonna be a long unpacked vacation.
4:00 PM: The Quest for the Cocktail. This is a serious business. I NEEDED something strong after that luggage trauma. The hotel bar? Closed. Apparently, "happy hour" is a fleeting concept at this particular establishment. So, I Googled "best cocktails near me". Found a place called "The Honu" which looked promising. It was a short ride away – another opportunity for me to forget which side of the road to drive on.
4:45 PM: Arrived at The Honu. It's got a nice beachy vibe. Ordered a Mai Tai. It tasted like… tropical fruit? I think it tasted like tropical fruit. The waitress was cute, but the service was slow, like molasses in January. The first sip wasn't what I thought it would be. I was expecting something that would wash away the baggage debacle immediately, not this…well, this not-quite-what-I-expected drink. The second sip wasn't any better. I have to admit, I was disappointed.
6:00 PM: Back to the hotel. Attempted to organize myself somewhat. Gave up after 20 minutes. Decided a nap was in order instead. Never judge a book by its cover and never judge a drink by its label.
Day 2: Beach Bliss (More or Less) and the Avocado Incident
8:00 AM: Breakfast at the hotel. The free breakfast buffet. Be warned, it's a bit of a gamble. The scrambled eggs looked… suspicious. I stuck to the fruit and a sad little bagel.
9:00 AM: Headed to Clearwater Beach. This is why I came. The sand was glorious. The water was this beautiful turquoise. For about an hour, I was in my element. Pure relaxation. Then, the sun decided to kick it up a notch. I may have forgotten to apply sunscreen liberally.
11:00 AM: The Avocado Incident. I decided to grab lunch at a little beachfront cafe. Ordered a BLT and a side of sliced avocado. Looked great! But the avocado…was hard as a rock. Like, could-be-used-as-a-weapon hard. I flagged down a waitress, who looked at it, shrugged, said, "Tough luck, hon," and walked away. I nearly lost it. I love me some avocado! Still, it's part of the story now, and I can share this anecdote with everyone.
12:00 PM: Back to the beach. Sunburned. Slightly grumpy. But, I found a shady spot under a palm tree and enjoyed the ocean.
2:00 PM: Back to the hotel to nurse my sunburn. Tried to watch TV. The TV remote was a technological nightmare. I gave up.
6:00 PM: Ordered pizza delivery. It was… pizza. The kind you order when you're too exhausted to go out. No regrets.
Day 3: Pirates and Practicalities
9:00 AM: Tried the breakfast buffet again, which looked equally as questionable. Managed a passable croissant and some coffee. Fuel for the day, yay.
10:00 AM: Decided to embrace the touristy side of things and booked a "Pirate Ship Adventure" for a family with my. It was surprisingly fun. The actors were cheesy, the cannons shot water, and there was free beer (for adults). It was ridiculously silly, but I laughed. It was the type of experience where you go so deep into it you can't help but enjoy it.
1:00 PM: Lunch. Had a fantastic crab cake nearby.
2:00 PM: Tried to do some actual sightseeing. Found a little local art gallery. Spent an hour wandering around, pretending to understand abstract art.
4:00 PM: Went back to the hotel. Went into a deep sleep, as my sunburn was really starting to nag.
7:00 PM: Dinner. Ate at a seafood restaurant. It was pretty good, but I was still yearning for that Mai Tai!
Day 4: The Price of Paradise and the Flight Home
9:00 AM: Back at the Hotel. The Breakfast buffet was as underwhelming as ever.
10:00 AM: The real reason I came to Florida. I spent some time near the beach.
12:00 PM: Packing time. More suitcase chaos. Somehow, I managed to get everything in, albeit with a lot of creative squishing.
1:00 PM: Check out, a breeze, thankfully. Even said goodbye to the front desk lady, who looked like she’d finally got some sleep.
2:00 PM: Headed back to the airport. Goodbye, sunshine. Hello, reality.
5:00 PM: Landed.
Final Thoughts (And a Few Imperfections):
Look, the Holiday Inn Express & Suites Clearwater North/Dunedin wasn't exactly the Ritz. The bathroom was a bit cramped, the wifi was spotty, and the breakfast buffet could use a serious makeover. But, it was a decent basecamp. It was clean, the staff tried to be helpful (mostly), and it was close to the beach.
And hey, that's life, right? A bit messy, a bit unpredictable, full of questionable avocado and unexpected laughs. Would I go back to Clearwater? Maybe. Would I stay at the same hotel? Possibly. More importantly, would I trade the memories? Absolutely not.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a long, hot bath and a stiff drink (preferably one that doesn't require me to fight with a zipper).
Escape to Paradise: North Bay's Best Kept Secret Hotel!
Okay, Fine. Let's Talk About... *gestures vaguely* Stuff. FAQ-ish Answers, Kinda.
So, what *is* this even about? Like, *what* am I asking the questions about?
Ugh, good question. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure *myself*. Think of it as... a collection of thoughts I've had, frustrations I've nursed, and maybe, *just maybe*, a few moments of triumph. I'll try to answer the questions that probably *should* have been asked. Let's wander off into the foggy wonderland of... let's call it "Life, The Universe, and Things That Annoy Me." It's mostly stuff that's been bouncing around my brain.
Why are you doing this? Is this some kind of therapy? It sounds like therapy.
You caught me. Maybe. Look, I just needed to *vent* somewhere. My cat doesn't listen, and my therapist costs, like, a BILLION dollars an hour. (Okay, not a *billion*, but you get the idea.) It's less "organized therapy" and more "mental vomit onto the internet." Consider me your personal, slightly unhinged, guinea pig of emotions. And sometimes, you might learn something, too. Or not. Don't hold your breath.
Okay, fine. But like, *specifically*, what topics? What are we ACTUALLY talking about?
Alright, alright, let's pin it down a little. Think:
- Existential Dread: Yep, the big one. The "Why are we here?" "What's the point of this all?" kind of stuff. Brace yourselves. I'm a lightweight, so don't expect a deep dive.
- The Absurdity of Modern Life: Commuting, social media, small talk... you name it, I'll complain about it.
- Relationships (or, more accurately, my struggles with them): Romance, friendships, the ever-elusive meaning of "being a good person." I'll share my stories, they're mostly filled with bad decisions.
- Pet Peeves: People who chew with their mouths open. People who use "literally" *literally* wrong. People who... *grumble, grumble*. I have a list. A VERY long list.
- Work, or Doing Stuff: The joys and absurdities of trying to earn a living – mostly the latter.
- Food: I'm obsessed. I'm picky. I eat too much. I'll probably mention my favorite restaurants (in an effort to avoid being sued).
Will this be... helpful? Am I going to get anything out of this besides secondhand anxiety?
Look, I'm no expert. I'm just a person trying to make sense of things. Maybe, just maybe, you'll see yourself in some of the mess. Or you'll think, "Wow, at least *I'm* not THAT bad." Either way, welcome. Don't come here expecting solutions. Come here for commiseration and maybe one or two laughs, I hope. I need them.
What if I disagree with you? What if I think you're completely wrong?
Oh, please, disagree! Argue! Shout at the screen! The more, the merrier. Seriously, I haven't heard a decent debate in ages. (Unless you count arguing with myself in the shower, which is a daily event). I'm probably wrong about *most* things. That's kind of the point. Please, please *TELL* me. I'm genuinely curious to know what you think. The more conversation, the less alone I feel.
Okay, but like, what's your *worst* pet peeve? The absolute WORST?
Oh, *man*. This is a tough one. Okay, okay, let me think. I have...so many. (Rambles incoherently for a bit). I think... it's probably... the sheer, unadulterated *stubbornness* of some people I've met. Like, you could offer them irrefutable evidence, present them with a mountain of facts, and they'll STILL cling to their wrong, ridiculous, utterly baseless opinion. It's infuriating. It's like, "Are you *trying* to make me crazy?!" I had an argument with a guy once about... wait for it... the existence of gravity. GRAVITY! He said it was a conspiracy. He refused to, I kid you not, believe that things fall downwards. We went on and on. I nearly lost my mind. And in the end? I got nothing. Just a headache and a renewed appreciation for the genius of Sir Isaac Newton. True story.
So, final question, what's the one good thing you've experienced lately? The one little spark of joy, huh?
Okay, fine. I can be positive. Sort of. Well, recently, I had THE best burger. Seriously. Juicy patty, perfect bun, all the fixings. Ate it at a tiny, hole-in-the-wall place. I'd been having a truly awful week (don't even ask), and that burger... it was a moment of pure, unadulterated bliss. It was like the world stopped spinning for thirty seconds, and all that mattered was that incredible, meaty, perfect, perfect sandwich. Damn. Now I want a burger. And *that* is a good thing.
